Summer and All Such Good Things

WHOA!

*COUGH* *HACK* *WHEEZE*

Yikes. Sorry about that, folks. It's been a while, hasn't it? How are ya? Yeah? Kids doin' good? Great! I see you got a new car. Nice, it looks good. You look good, too, you been working out? Alright... well, look it was great seeing you... maybe we can get together sometime for coffee or something... you know, catch up on life and everything. What? Oh, I have to go now. Well I have this... thing. No, I can't talk about it, it's classified. Look, you have my number, right? Just hit me up later and maybe we can grab lunch. I know some great places. Yeah, take care.

1 WEEK LATER, AT THIS GREAT PLACE I KNOW...

The Little Revisionist Western Kids Comedy That Could

So, a while back, my family took me out for my birthday to see the latest contender for Best Animated Film of the Year, Rango. And I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised. Confused, yes, but in a good way. You see, the film was produced by none other than Nickelodeon Movies who, as a company, are noted for making kids stuff.

Never forget.

And Rango was billed no differently - a silly kids comedy about a talking lizard who gets lost in the desert and discovers an Old West-style society of other talking animals, and they make fart jokes for the children and thinly veiled sexual innuendos for the parents who are still listening. But, dear reader, that is a lie. Whatever Nickelodeon told you about this film is a complete and utter falsity (well, no, there are still a few fart jokes). Rango is a kids comedy in much the same way Disney/PIXAR's UP was. That is to say, hardly at all. While UP lured you in with its promise of heartwarming adventure and the occasional joke, only to dehydrate your tear ducts for the other hour and a half of the film, Rango entices you with silly characters, harrowing action scenes, and the rustic charm of the American West, but it delivers so much more in the form of strong dramatic narrative and thematic existentialism threaded throughout. That is my warning to those of you who have yet to enjoy this brilliant little film: THIS IS NOT A KIDS COMEDY. This is a surprisingly dense revisionist western wrapped up in a kids comedy quesadilla. And if you're anything like me, you'll need to see it more than once.

A Series of Unfortunate Muscle Contractions

So, tonight while I was at work, I found myself rummaging through our supplies drawer in search of mints or the essence of joy or whatever. I eventually managed to find a small package of gum with a single, lonely stick remaining. Someone, in their evil genius, had torn the front of the packaging off, removing any trace or indication of what flavor the gum was. All I knew was that it was of the Trident Layers variety, which combine multiple flavors together in a taste explosion much like the exploding gum from Mission Impossible.

"And then it's all, BAM! Blue Raspberry outta nowhere."

Friday! Friday! A Day Which Will Live in Fun-famy! And Shame.

If you haven't already been treated to the musical, lyrical, and visual abortion that is Rebecca Black's Friday video, you simply must. I'd venture to guess that this video may someday even replace Rick Astley's Never Gonna Give You Up as the go-to hyperlink prank. But, beneath the horrifyingly inane lyrics ("Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday. Today it is Friday, Friday... Tomorrow is Saturday, and Sunday comes afterwards."), the laughably bad tween "dancing", the head-scratching video effects, and Usher's inexplicable rap cameo, there may lie motives far more sinister.

"On second thought, why don't you just take the bus."

A Comprehensive List of Things That Make My Day

Read the title.

   Now read it again.

      Read it once more!

Bwahahahaaa!

*Ahem* Let's begin....