A Comprehensive List of Things That Freaking Creep Me Out

Read the title. You're good to go.

• Whales
• Overly-pronounced Adam's apples
• Green skies
• Cigarette smoking holes in necks
• Most insects (especially ones that fly)
• Spiders / Tarantulas
• Rotting teeth (while still in a mouth)
• Bizarre coincidences
• Flickering lights
• Anything touching my eyeball . . . ever
• Really limp and/or moist handshakes
• Orange skinned people
• Protruding ribcages
• Holding live fish
• Dangling boogers
• When people snort up dangling boogers
• Uvulas
• Effing whales
• Women with those little peach-fuzz mustaches
• Recumbent bicyles
• Moles on faces
• Hairy moles anywhere
• Contortionists
• Everything from the F.E.A.R. games
• People with hooked or bird-like noses
• Used Band-Aids
• Clowns
• Mimes
• Sharp things near my neck, wrists, or Achilles heels
• Old people in Spandex
• Bats
• All-white or really faded eyes (like from blindness)
• Repeated calls from numbers I don't recognize
• Even the concept of male catheters
• The inside of empty barn silos (I think it's just from the vertigo - so maybe that then)
• Tentacled beings
• Unnaturally crooked fingers or toes (naturally crooked = bent or curled, like a fist or something)
• The sound of old people in diapers
• Whales. For serious.
• Tapeworms
• Completely white, empty rooms - especially ones without any sense of dimension
• Decomposing corpses of animals or people
• People who don't understand personal space (If I wanted your knee or elbow touching mine, I'd have asked you)
• Frickin' this guy
• Hoarders
• Dead silence
• Hairless cats
• People who constantly rub/massage their hands
• Fat, sweaty hugs
• Scarecrow silhouettes
• Lasik surgery
• Maggots and their various larval counterparts
• Butt chins
• KKK clansmen
• People who stare
• Bug-Out Bob (I know, right? It has a name?)
• That horrible screeching sound our shower head makes every time you use it
• Cannibalism
• When water coolers randomly bubble up
• The current state of the American educational system (ZING!)
• Terminal illnesses
• Crazy hobos
• Crazy people in general
• Super-huge gauge earrings
• Tribal nose piercings that consist of anything larger that a small ring
• Molted skins
• Live-action babies or animals that are CGI'd to talk
• Westboro Baptist Church
• Double-jointed or "hypermobile" knee caps
• The side-effects of most prescription medications ("Rectal seepage"? "Bloody discharge"? "DROWSINESS"?!!)
• S&M (not the Metallica album)
• Androids (the whole Uncanny Valley thing)
• Cirque du Soleil
• The Occult
• Harelips
• Having my identity stolen
• Amblyopia (lazy eye)
• Cat ladies
• People who put clothes/accessories on their pets
• Animals with one or more missing limbs
• People who always have little strands of spit stuck between their lips when they talk
• That wood carving of a gazelle I got in South Dakota like, a decade ago
• The unmistakable scent of the elderly: Spearmint, nicotine, and death
• Having the wind knocked out of you (or otherwise being unable to breathe)
• Grown men with high voices
• Channels that are nothing but static
• Fake boobs
• Mammalian births
• Having a heart murmur
• Dizzying heights
• Drowning
• The women of the Red Hat Society
• Limbless or headless mannequins
• Colonoscopies
• Angler fish
• Overly-muscular people (especially when their veins are popping out everywhere)

This is okay.

These people are insane and should be quarantined.

• Oh, and before I forget, <whispers> whaaaaaales

Disclaimer: I would just like to clarify that I am not necessarily afraid of all these things or people - some of them perhaps, but most are just eerie or weird or give me the jibblies. They are, at the least, those which can unsettle my nerves in some fashion or another. Also, I tried to keep it to things that actually exist, otherwise the list would have been unmanageably long. Finally, this list was not meant to offend anyone, so if you find yourself fitting one or more of these categories (e.g., Tentacled beings, Used Band-Aids, or Effing whales), then let me assure you, it is your condition or state of being that disturbs me, not necessarily your personality or the elements of yourself that truly define who you are. Unless you're a mime, in which case, get your grubby, gloved hands away from me.

Okay, now it's your turn! What are some of the things this world has to offer that send chills down your spine? It's okay if it's something I already mentioned. Don't be shy! And now, enjoy my counter-article, "A Comprehensive List of Things That Make My Day".