5 Reasons Why Dogs Are the Ultimate Pets

The human race has been domesticating animals for thousands of years in an attempt to make them do tricks, play games, guard homes, sport designer fashions, and generally be less sucky as our cohabitants on this planet we call Earth. However, among the chief reasons to domesticate animals is for companionship. Some of us are elderly and thus, many of our friends have passed on. Some of us are loners and prefer the untamed mountains or endless fields to pesky neighbors and “family fun night”. Some of us were born into solitude (here’s lookin’ at you, Richie Rich). Still others of us just plain suck at socializing; but despite the reasons, we humans have an underlying need for companionship, and for some of us that void is better filled by pets than people.

But which pet is the right pet, you may ask.

Dogs.

Yes, it’s that simple. See? They’re already making your life easier. Don’t let those cats deceive you with their purring and their adorable squinty-eyes.

Nothing but lies.

 

Don’t fall into the trap of fluffy tails and twitchy noses lain by the bunnies. Don’t let yourself be tempted by the mysticism and grandeur of the cliff-dwelling dragons. And birds... don’t- gah, why would you even consider a bird? I mean, really... they just squawk and poop. It’s... just don’t even... no. No birds.

But dogs. Yeah, now there’s a pet. Have you ever wondered why dogs are called “man’s best friend”, and cats are called... well, just “cats”? Allow me to enlighten you...

(NOTE: when I say “dogs”, I don’t necessarily include chihuahuas, those little yippy mop things, breeds ending in ‘-oodle’, or anything you can stuff into a purse once it’s full grown. While science may still classify them as “canines”, for the sake of this article, assume I’m only referring to real dogs.)

5. Trainability: Yes, you can train monkeys to do things, like not fling their poop at you, but dogs take the cake in this department. Cats pretty much do as they please. Fish are lucky if they don’t run (er, swim, I guess) in terror every time you try to feed them. And, if you pick the right species, you might be able to get a bird that swears at you. Dogs, however, are known around the globe for showcasing one of the largest trick books in the animal kingdom: from fetching newspapers, to barking, sitting, and rolling over on command, to running obstacle courses, to catching Frisbees mid-backflip. The list of things you can teach your dog to do is exhausting. Ever watch a dog show on TV? Well, me neither, but my mom does. And they do pretty much all that stuff at dog shows, in addition to strutting them around in circles to show off their fur. Want to know what they do at cat shows? What cats do best: sit around and get looked at.
 

4. Activity: In light of trainability, one of the best things you can teach a dog (second only to “pee outside”) is the almighty “fetch”. The best part about dogs is that, in most cases, they aren’t real particular. It can be a stick, a bone, a ball, a Frisbee, one of those Free AOL CDs (do they still give those things out?), anything really. The dog’s just happy to run and feel the wind in his face and spend time with his master. Dogs also make spectacular walking/jogging partners, as you’ve likely witnessed around your neighborhood. While hilarious to imagine, you just don’t see people in running shorts with their earbuds in, dragging a snake on a leash behind them. And don’t even suggest the concept of exercise to a cat unless you’re interested in what “eyeball scraping” feels like.

3. Contentment: On the spectrum of pet maintenance, dogs fall somewhere just below gerbils and just above trees. Honestly. You feed them, pick up after them once in a while, maybe clip a nail here or there, and the rest is fun and games. Naturally, there’ll be a few messes during house-breaking, but after that, the world is their litter box. No more changing newspaper or trying to stuff them in a plastic bag while you clean the tank. Just let them out back and they’re all set. All a dog needs outside of that is his master’s love. Seriously, my dog is just as happy to lie on the couch and watch TV with me as he is to run around in the yard chasing chew toys. As John Grogan once stated in light of his now infamous canine friend, Marley, “A dog doesn't care if you are rich or poor, educated or illiterate, clever or dull. Give him your heart and he will give you his.” Also, dogs make wonderful vacuums and are generally indiscriminate on the type or quality of food that falls to the floor.

2. Health Benefits: Yes, dogs are good for your health. According to WebMD, research over the past 25 years has shown that owning a pet can help lower your blood pressure; lessen your anxiety; build your immune system; help reduce your risk of developing heart disease, allergies or asthma; and, most importantly of all, “they can even help you get dates.” So what’s their secret? Believe it or not, a lot of those miracle marvels can be attributed to the best medicine of all: laughter. Pets, and dogs in particular, are even more wont than kids to do the darndest things. Kids tend to just kinda stop being adorable once they grow up, but dogs stay cute pretty much their whole life, and that constant fluffy adorability has a soothing effect on our overall demeanor, which does wonders for our health.

1. Loyalty: Here it is. If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a million times. Dogs are loyal. They stick with their masters, even to the bitter end, if necessary (see: Disney’s Bolt). There have been numerous stories of dogs attacking burglars to defend their homes, getting help for those trapped in burning buildings, and even protecting soldiers' lives on the battlefield. When’s the last time you heard about a pet snake doing anything other than sleeping or mistaking your children for its lunch? Dogs, however, grow to know and recognize their masters, grow to respond to them, and grow to love them to the point where they willingly sacrifice for them. To be fair, there are exceptions to this rule – like our current dog, who barks at you when you walk in the door until he realizes who you are (it usually takes a few seconds), or whose loyalty seems to sway toward whoever holds the tastiest food; but, to be even more fair, our dog is a clearance puppy.

For you Marley & Me fans out there, you’re already well aware of the... *ahem* perks of buying clearance puppies. However, loyalty in dogs presents itself as the norm, and they seem to be just about the only domesticated animal that exhibits this quality en masse. As always, there are exceptions outside of dogs, like Christian the lion here, but honestly, how many of you are going to raise a lion cub in your home? (Tip: they eat more than a regular cat. Like, way more.)