The Green Hornet: Wickedly Mediocre

So, I just got back from the midnight showing of The Green Hornet, and I must say, it was an unfortunately hit-or-miss adventure. If you're wondering "Is it one of those films where basically all the good parts are in the trailer?", the answer is a resounding "pretty much". For a superhero movie that seems to tout its uniqueness from other superhero legends, the film is littered with clichés and characters who don't seem to take anything in their world seriously.

"You don't think I'm scary? Why don't you think I'm scary? I have a double-barreled gun. That should be scaring you right now! Do you think I'm old? Gah! I'm too old for being a crime boss. That's why you don't find me scary, isn't it? I knew it! Please, tell me how I could be scaring you better. I... I'm no good at this."

That guy up there is supposed to be the main villain, and he's seriously concerned about how cool he looks or how scary people think he is. These things keep this man up at night. And we're supposed to believe he controls every crime syndicate in the city? That he's the top of the heap? The man has about as much confidence in himself as a three-toed sloth facing a pride of cheetahs. Believability is a big necessity in fictional worlds. If the audience isn't buying whatever it is you're trying to sell, guess what?

Indeed.

The basic premise, while feeling quite rushed at the beginning, is actually worthwhile: In an attempt to make something useful of themselves, Britt Reid (Seth Rogen) and his trusty, show-stealing butler, Kato (Jay Chou), don their masks and trenchcoats and set out in their Q-inspired deathmobile to infiltrate the city's criminal underground as The Green Hornet and his trusty, show-stealing sidekick, ?????. The idea of heroes pretending to be villains to get closer to them is hardly a new or novel one, but it's refreshing to see a bit of a break from the goody-two-shoes approach to crime-fighting most superheroes prefer.

Look at him, all good and stuff, with his two shoes.

The rest of the movie, however, is just a series of blandly-written, action-junkie, WTF moments. There's the wholly unnecessary, non-loving love interest (Cameron Diaz), the retardedly insecure villain (Christoph Waltz), the paper-thin conspiracy plot, and the veritable onslaught of outright, adrenaline-fueled, man-food action sequences, which are admittedly the best moments Green Hornet has to offer.

One of the slower, more tender moments of the film.

In the end, if you're walking into this movie expecting to see something revolutionary, you'll be mildly disappointed. If you're expecting a few laughs, a couple of fun camera tricks, and a mountain of cool action scenes, then you really should be waiting to Redbox this one. The writing is hit-or-miss, the acting is middle-of-the-road, and the story is tried-and-true. All-in-all, Green Hornet fails to deliver anything game-changing, but earns the lukewarm 6.9/10 it currently holds on IMDb. So take that as you will.

On the plus side, new trailers for the delightfully sure-to-bomb Zach Snyder action fiesta, Sucker Punch and the musically-inept, sure-to-bomb action fiesta, Battle: Los Angeles.